if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
