the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
