small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
