I think I won the penis lottery.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
