Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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