Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
