Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
