help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
