So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
