Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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