I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
