Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
