Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize