I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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