I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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