And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
