Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
