glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
