carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
