well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize