hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize