If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
