look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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