people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
