my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
