I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
