He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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