Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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