I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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