I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
