apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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