ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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