Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize