Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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