I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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