i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
