The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
