I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize