Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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