how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
