I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
