Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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