I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
