Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
