He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
