I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
