Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
