Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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