She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
