dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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