Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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