im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
