So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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