Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
