if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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