Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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