I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
