I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
