I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
