New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
