This girl is more easily done than said...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
