im six kinds of drunk right now
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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