Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
