I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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