I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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