I'm so fucking centered right now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
