dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
