I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
