Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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