I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
