Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
