Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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