The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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